I've Been Busy

I was just completing Bizarro Issue Two but decided I could better concentrate somewhere quieter, like, say, at the bottom of the absinthe bottle across the room. Later, I'm told, I donned a skeleton suit and crawled out my bedroom window, baying for the moon and Wilma Flintstone, clutching a Jack Wild hand puppet and a copy of Jule E. Miller's Spiritual Applications for Tarbell One.

To my absolute dismay, a rival gospel magician had set up her tent where I usually give hand jobs for quarters, no doubt like myself wanting to get a jump on the Easter rush. She was right in the middle of her Father-Son-Holy-Ghost Professor's Nightmare routine when I knocked her to the ground with a flying tackle and began strangling her with her own ropes. The audience thought it was part of her act and began applauding wildly. Unfortunately the mask on my skeleton suit was not properly ventilated, causing me to become winded and allowing the senior citizen to get the best of me. Her legs firmly locked around my neck, she began punching me in the head until I passed out and woke up in a holding cell with John 3:16 scrawled on my chest in Avon lipstick. Luckily, I found my Jack Wild hand puppet when I went to the bathroom. The two of us sat up all night entertaining our fellow prisoners with our rousing rendition of 'Pufnstuf for Mayor' until one critic saw fit to twist my puppet-clad wrist until it looked like a wood screw. Even with this handicap I managed to earn three cigarettes in the drunk tank.


So with all this going on, Bizarro Issue Two has been slightly delayed (again.) If you've pre-ordered you WILL get the random journal of fucked-up magic, appropriately enough, just in time for Easter. If you're late to the party you can still get a copy, as well as Issue One, by sending $20 Paypal (per issue) to bizarromag@gmail.com

Snatch It While You Can!!!

We've been busy as beavers preparing Bizarro Issue Two and if you were one of the fortunate to take advantage of the pre-paid special it's just days away from being slipped into your inbox. The curtains will soon part, revealing Issue Two for the cunning monster it is. It's full of the usual, damned peculiar magic you won't see anywhere else, hoo-hoo satire and lampoon. If you've missed the boat, don't slit or gash your wrists: just spread open your wallet and paypal 20 clams to bizarromag@gmail.com for the most recent monthly issue.

Bizarro Issue One is still available for the same price.

Aw, Baby, Don't Cry

You still have one more day to pre-order Bizarro Issue Two for $5 off the regular price. Twisted magic plots, peculiar methods, cartoons, satire and smartassery can be yours by sending $15 paypal to bizarromag@gmail.com before April 1st. After that, the price pops back up to $20. Of course, Issue One is still available for $20 as well. It's gonna be okay. Have a tissue.

Grim; or smiling while dying

Bizarro is, of course, founded on sophomoric humor at the lowest common denominator. Fart and dick jokes rule the day. As Issue Two evolves, though, another side emerges.

Friend: What the hell are you laughing at, Puddlewinks?
Me: Oh, just the sheer terror of being alive.

Bizarro Issue Two explores actual horror. Not ghost stories, movies about demons or stuff that's fun to watch. It's about magic concerning the real-world nasty we all have to make our way through like a rat in a maze. It's dark. It's grim. It's us.

Sure, the comedy ha-has are there, too. 'Cause you either laugh or cry. But still. Just as a word of warning, issue two is going to be a different kind of beast.

Who Wants Bizarro Issue Two?

Easy there, Janet. Bizarro Issue Two is available for the pre-publication price of 15 USD until April 1st. After that, it'll be the usual 20 clams. If you take advantage of the 1/4 off special, the e-mag will slash it's blood-spattered way into your inbox the first or second week of April, just in time for Easter.

Bizarro Issue One is still available for 20 bucks and includes effects with dead animal feet, open wounds, penises and live bees. Worse yet, there's stuff with playing cards. There's also cartoons aplenty and rude jokes at the expense of others.

Maybe the toasted cheese sandwiches have gone to my head. Put on my dead mom's dress and call me crazy, BUT, I tell you what: You want BOTH Issue One AND to pre-order Issue Two? Thirty bucks for both until April 1st. You'll get Issue One in your mailbox ASAP and Issue Two when it slithers out in April.

Paypal your stolen moolah to bizarromag@gmail.com Be sure and put Issue One, Issue Two or BOTH in the subject line so I know what you want. Ok, gotta go. Mother's calling.

Oh, You Lucky, Lucky People

For those of you who purchased Bizarro#1, the promised update is just a day or two away. The rest of you who haven't bought one will need some serious throat protection. It's National Lampoon meets M.U.M meets Spanking Boy Scouts meets Chavez School Quarterly meets Enema Girls of the I.B.M.

If you're late to the game, send $20 Paypal to bizarromag@gmail.com

For the rest of you, keep watching your inboxes.

What Am I, An Idiot?

So I made the grand announcement that Bizarro was good to go, but, fuckwad that I am, forgot to include how to buy the damn thing. Simply Paypal 20 US dollars to bizarromag@gmail.com and today's version of Greater Magic will appear in your inbox. Well, maybe if Hilliard was gooned off his ass on absinthe, had card tricks involving ripped flesh, was only forty pages, featured pictures of nekkid people, teased the collective nipple of the bizarre magic crowd, involved intimate anatomy as a magic prop and was funny. Otherwise, yeah, it's just like Greater Magic. Order your copy today. Twenty bucks Paypal to bizarromag@gmail.com