I was just completing Bizarro Issue Two but decided I could better concentrate somewhere quieter, like, say, at the bottom of the absinthe bottle across the room. Later, I'm told, I donned a skeleton suit and crawled out my bedroom window, baying for the moon and Wilma Flintstone, clutching a Jack Wild hand puppet and a copy of Jule E. Miller's Spiritual Applications for Tarbell One.
To my absolute dismay, a rival gospel magician had set up her tent where I usually give hand jobs for quarters, no doubt like myself wanting to get a jump on the Easter rush. She was right in the middle of her Father-Son-Holy-Ghost Professor's Nightmare routine when I knocked her to the ground with a flying tackle and began strangling her with her own ropes. The audience thought it was part of her act and began applauding wildly. Unfortunately the mask on my skeleton suit was not properly ventilated, causing me to become winded and allowing the senior citizen to get the best of me. Her legs firmly locked around my neck, she began punching me in the head until I passed out and woke up in a holding cell with John 3:16 scrawled on my chest in Avon lipstick. Luckily, I found my Jack Wild hand puppet when I went to the bathroom. The two of us sat up all night entertaining our fellow prisoners with our rousing rendition of 'Pufnstuf for Mayor' until one critic saw fit to twist my puppet-clad wrist until it looked like a wood screw. Even with this handicap I managed to earn three cigarettes in the drunk tank.
So with all this going on, Bizarro Issue Two has been slightly delayed (again.) If you've pre-ordered you WILL get the random journal of fucked-up magic, appropriately enough, just in time for Easter. If you're late to the party you can still get a copy, as well as Issue One, by sending $20 Paypal (per issue) to bizarromag@gmail.com
