All the promises...all the excuses...still there's NO Bizarro Issue #2 adorning the inboxes of the faithful. For those who pre-paid, thanks very much for your order and your overwhelming patience will be rewarded very soon. I apologize I haven't gotten this finished sooner, and just as soon as I'm done with my spanking I'm going to crawl naked through broken glass and rusty nails, scouring the pavement with my tongue until it's bloody. This has nothing to do with my apology; it's just a little something I like to do.
For those just joining the party, Bizarro is The Random Journal of Fucked Up Magic. Clearly, I'm doing my best to live up to the random part. It's a thick, viscous, snot-like stew of bizarre magick, mentalism, off-color close-up, liscentious card tricks, smutty chapeaugraphy, filthy hand shadows, indecent mathematical stunts, sordid ventriloquism, scatological finger puppetry, dishonorable science experiments and unspeakable boy's "amusements".
Bizarro Issue Two explores the lovely world of Children's magic. Ah, children: Their chocolate-smeared faces, giddy laughter and non-stop questioning. No wonder President Lincoln was moved to say, "Man is never as tall as when he stoops to slap a child." Because scum of the earth comes in pint-sized, too. Issue Two will explore fratricide, bungled circumcision, third grade murderesses, kiddie suicide bombers, ghastly Halloween mishaps and sacrilege. Plus the usual penis tricks.
Since I've been a liar and a fraud in terms of getting Issue 2 out when I said I would (my, the cobblestones are lovely here on the road to hell) I'm going to run a crazy sale on Issue One until #2 comes out. (My inner eight year old is laughing like hell at that last sentence.) For the next few days or so, until Bizarro 2 is published, you can order Bizarro Issue One for half-off. That's 10 bucks USD and you'll get it as soon as I get your money. If you want to pre-order Issue 2 you can still do so for $15. Both will go back to the usual $20 price when Issue Two becomes available, probably sometime before the sun goes supernova.
What the hell, you want BOTH Issue one and an Issue two pre-order? $20.
Paypal $10 for the Issue One sale, $15 for the Issue Two pre-order or $20 for both to bizarromag@gmail.com
And kick your kid for me.
